Come What May and Love It!!

This past week has been, as expected and emotional roller coaster. One minute I'll be happy and the next I'll be crying or really sad (on the verge of crying.) I know this is expected with a loss but...the hormones don't make it any better. :)!!!! As stated before I am so grateful for my family and friends...and the friends I have made, and the support they all have been. My sister in-law called me last week and reminded me of a talk given last year at the October conference. I loved the talk then and love it even more now. I was really down a couple nights ago and decided to pull the talk out that my sister in-law had made a reference to. It really made me feel so much better. Some of my favorite quotes from Elder Worthlin were: - If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness. - The dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to each of us. At one time or another, everyone must experience sorrow. No one is exempt. - The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude. - "God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son." the Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper, and advocate. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to be successful. If we do our part, He will step in. He who descended below all things will come to our aid. He will comfort and uphold us. He will strengthen us in our weakness and fortify us in our distress. He will make weak things become strong. I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ! I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ, and I am grateful for a living prophet and apostles!! On a little different note: Paige has been so good these last couple weeks. I really think she is extra sensitive to my feelings. She has been extra cuddly when I've needed to just hold someone and cry and she has been there to make me smile and laugh when I needed it. Really she has been super funny this past week. I think I have laughed at her (or with her) many times during the day. She really is talking ALOT!!! I really don't know any different but from what I have been told its not common that they talk this much at her age. My dad even told me while I was at home..."Man if you think she talks alot now wait until she is supposed to be talking and then you'll really think she talks alot!" She also is mom's little helper and tries to do whatever I do. Whenever I am doing anything she says, " I help mom" and then she pushes her chair over to where I am and tries to help me make dinner, do the dishes, dust, clean the bathroom...you name it. She gets in the way sometimes but its really funny! She also loves her dolls right now. She will play with them all day. I love listening to her "take care" of them. She often says things to them that I say to her when I change her diaper, give her food, put her to bed and get her out of bed. Its so cute and really makes me smile. I love this little girl and feel so blessed to be her mother!!!

Paige changing her baby's diaper

Paige helping me make cookies! Paige helping me make chips and salsa Paige cleaning her toilet while I cleaned the "big" toilet. Paige just being her cute messy self!!!

Our Sweet Angel

Last Wednesday our sweet little Aubrey was born 4 months early. Her lungs weren't developed enough to stay in this world. The doctors and nurses weren't sure if our baby was going to have a heartbeat or not at birth. They tried to prepare us for both situations. Our sweet little girl was not born with a heartbeat thus considered a still born child. She weighed 9 oz and was 9 inches long.




Our Story: My water broke Tuesday afternoon. Garet and I rushed to the emergency room. There we found out that Aubrey's heartbeat remained nice and strong but an ultrasound confirmed that I didn't have very much amniotic fluid left in my body. The doctor wasn't sure if this little amount would be enough to sustain our little girl. He sent me home on bedrest with a referral to see a specialist in Tucson the next day. So the next morning we woke up and drove to Tucson. My mom and dad were with us. The unknown was scary. I was scared of what the future might bring. I already loved this baby that I had been feeling inside me for weeks. I was scared for the child. I was scared for myself. Mom, Dad, and Garet were a great support. I had a prayer in my heart all day. I knew I couldn't do this alone.
They pulled us back and did another ultrasound. I could see that that Aubrey still had a good heartbeat but, I knew something was still wrong. The doctor confirmed my feelings and stated there wasn't ANY amniotic fluid left around the baby. She said the baby couldn't continue to develope properly without the amniotic fluid and that I would have to be induced. If chose not to I would pose great risk to myself for infections and for future pregnancies. I was then admitted to TMC to start the induction. I was so scared, sad and heartbroken.
I continued to feel the baby move at the hospital with the little contractions that I had. Soon the contractions started getting harder and I didn't feel the baby move as much. After 5 hours of labor our sweet little Aubrey was born. She was a beautiful little girl. A little girl that I would not raise at this time, and a little girl that I couldn't take home with me. My heart was broken but when the nurse placed this little girl in my arms I felt at peace. I know that even though I long for her to be with us on earth at this time, I know that I will be able to raise this sweet girl once again. I am grateful for priesthood blessings, grateful for a loving husband, supportive parents, family and friends. I really appreciate all the notes/text messages/phone calls that have been sent our way. I am also grateful for a kind, loving Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
I know the next couple weeks/months/year is going to be hard but I know that with the help of my Savior I will be able to get through.